


In The Mood

by Gadhar



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2682989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Now I <em>know</em> you're not trying to drink that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Mood

**Author's Note:**

> Disc: Not mine.
> 
> Honestly, an excuse to use more of my head-cannon for Lee and keep Galgo in his strange little child-like wonder state.
> 
> Pure cracky fluff that got away from me. It was supposed to be one scene. ONE SCENE!
> 
> *sigh*

"Now I _know_ you're not trying to drink that." 

Lee froze, shoulders hunching up. Damn, he thought he had more time. Barney wasn't supposed to come back so quick. 

Lee frowned sadly at the sauce, debating whether or not he could manage just a _quick flick_ of his tongue out. Just to catch the flavor. Make sure no one was getting poisoned or something. That's a good thing to do, right? He was protecting people. 

But no, Barney would see that happen. He'd be able to tell just by the way Lee's shoulders twitched or something, him and those damn hawk-like eyes. 

Lee dropped the ladle, spinning on his heel and looking at Barney with the brightest nonchalant grin he could muster. "Of course not! I was just- just uh, putting the handle on the other side of the pot...for like...safety..." 

Barney leaned to one side, his eyebrows raised. And when he settled back on two feet he gave Lee the most unimpressed look ever. "Uh-huh, so, that's why you put it this way, so one of the kids or Galgo could come flying by here and knock the pot off the stove? Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. That's smart." 

Lee deflated, his shoulders sagging. Alright, so next time he'd be quicker, have an excuse ready. "I maintain my innocence," He stated, walking determinedly out of the kitchen. He would not let all these smells distract him and get him caught. He was too good for that. 

"Uh-huh," Barney repeated, smacking Lee with the towel from his apron as he walked by. "Stay out of my kitchen." 

xxx 

"So what's the report?" Caesar asked in a hushed tone, eyes bulging out as he cast wary glances over his shoulder at the door. 

"Calm down, it's not like he's going to walk right through that door. He's _busy._ " 

"You don't know that! Barney's got spies _everywhere._ He's not like you, Toll. He. Can. _Hear. Everything."_

"I'll have you know, my hearing-" 

"Ah, shut up! Bloody hell, be quiet. What is the matter with you two? Even if the walls _didn't_ have ears, with you two morons screaming about like that he'll definitely hear us." 

"That doesn't matter now, report Christmas." 

"Now see, look at that, Gunner being the sensible one. You need to get your acts together," Lee shook his head, waiting until Toll and Caesar stopped glaring at each other to talk. "Alright, so, the turkey's in the oven, he's doing something with potatoes-" 

"Mashed potatoes, ah hell yes!" 

"-and he's got some sort of sauce going." 

"What about the taste?" 

"I don't know, I didn't get the chance. He came back quicker than I anticipated." 

"I knew we shouldn't have let you go in, _of course_ he'd catch you." 

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean, Gunner?" 

"Nothing, just that you two are fucking so he _obviously_ has some kindof inner Lee-locator that always knows where you are. How else would you explain him always able to find you on missions and stuff?" 

"Lee-locator? That doesn't even make _sense._ That's not possible. I'll have you know, I've snuck up on him plenty of times to-" 

"We don't want to know Christmas!" Toll groaned, screwing his eyes shut in disgust. 

"Yeah, we're cool with it but Christ, we don't need the details!" Caesar chimed in and the thoroughly annoyed look on his face told Lee he was remembering that _one time_ where Lee may have been a little...over-zealous, and well, long story short, Caesar couldn't look at him or Barney for a whole week. 

"That's not what I was going to say!" 

"Weren't going to say what?" 

They all froze, the others looking up though Lee just kept his head down. He knew that voice, they all knew that voice. 

"Nothing, nothing at all." 

"Uh-huh. You know, you're acting really weird lately, Lee. And you guys, what is this, some secret powwow? Any reason I'm not invited?" 

"You're invited!" Caesar piped up, the other guys nodding their agreement. "It's just...you were busy...so..." 

"Uh-huh," Barney said again and Lee was getting real tired of that. "Look, why don't you guys go...I don't know, _play?_ The kids aren't coming over until later and both Doc and Galgo are keeping pretty busy." 

"That's because they're fighting each other for the _remote."_

"We're not five Barney, we don't need to _play."_

"Uh-huh, sure." 

Lee shook his head, following the line of guys out until Barney snatched him back, wrapping his arms around Lee and resting his head on Lee's shoulder. 

"Come on, what's the matter with you? You're awfully mopey." 

"I'm not mopey," Lee snapped, trying to wrestle his way out of Barney's arms and away from the threatening kisses Barney was laying on his neck. 

"Uh-huh, sure, that's why you're sneaking around having secret meetings with the guys." 

"I'm _not_ mopey. And it wasn't a secret meeting. And would you stop saying 'uh-huh' all the time? It's bloody fucking annoying." 

"You _are_ mopey. You only ever start saying 'bloody' when you're moping. Is this because I banned you from the kitchen?" Barney nibbled at Lee's jaw, sucked on his ear and did all the things he knew that would have Lee melting into him and talking nonstop. 

But Lee knew what he was doing and no, he was not going to let Barney just have his way. _"No. "_

"Are you sure? Because I'll let you back in if it would make you happy. I'll even let you taste some stuff. Provided you sit at the counter and _wait."_

"Where's the fun in that?" 

"Heh, the _fun_ is in you getting to eat and me getting to look at you all prettily perched on my counter." 

Lee laughed, turning himself around in Barney's arms. "Sorry, but that's not why." He laid a sloppy wet kiss on Barney before patting his cheeks and using Barney's momentary stupor to slither his way out of Barney's hold and run off to find the rest of the guys. 

xxx 

"But I want to watch the _parade._ They have floats. There's going to be a _giant turkey!"_

"And _I_ want to watch the football games. My team is going to win this year!" 

"You don't even have a team!" 

"So? I can pick one!" 

"Giant turkey!" 

"Football!" 

"Giant turkey!" 

"Foot-" 

"Would you two shut the hell up!" Lee stood up, ripping the remote out of Galgo and Doc's hands and chucking it at the wall. He smiled when it broke into two parts. 

Lucky for Galgo apparently the wall hit the remote just right to switch the TV to the parade. Even Lee had to laugh at how excited he looked when he cheered, drowning out Doc's loud groan as he flopped back onto the sofa. 

"Well, now that we got that settled. You didn't get to taste _anything,_ Christmas?" 

"I said no, Caesar. Barney came back too quickly." [ >

"I told you, you should of let me go in." 

"If he could catch ninja-Lee, what makes you think he wouldn't be able to catch you Gunner? You're huge with lead feet!" 

"I can be quiet! Besides, _Lee-locator_ remember?" 

"We should have got Yin to do this, he's smaller." 

"Yeah well, he's busy with his 'family'. I think he's still with Trench." 

"I'm gonna kill that fucker." 

Lee looked at Gunner, exchanging looks with the other guys to confirm and, yep, Gunner was serious. "How about we save the homicidal plans for _after_ the holidays?" 

Gunner shrugged. "I can do that." 

"Alright, good," Caesar clapped his hands before pulling Galgo back down on the sofa after he stood to cheer (there went his giant turkey) before the mug Doc chucked at him hit. "Now, Christmas?" 

Lee caught the mug, giving Doc a sideways look. _That's my Big Ben mug, you rat bastard._ "I don't know why you guys are so worried. Barney's a great cook, we all know this." 

"But this is _Thanksgiving,_ man. This is the holiday of _food._ " 

"Actually, it is the holiday of giving thanks and celebrating the togetherness of family. Though, there are also some religious connections dating back to the-" 

"Nobody cares about that Galgo, it's the _food._ Barney can't afford to mess it up." 

"He won't," Lee tried to reassure them. Really that was the only reason he _was_ with them and _not_ Barney. Granted they gave him an opportunity to sneak food but, that wasn't going so well so far. 

"You think everything he does is great." 

"I do not." 

"Do to."

"I do not!"

"Actually, I would have to agree with them on this one. You do have an intense appreciation for our leader. I mean the way you stare at him when he walks-" 

"Oh god yes, I swear you look ready to _eat him,_ Christmas." 

"And the way your eyes get all mystified when he's talking-" 

"Oh, please wrap me in your strong arms Barney, _please!"_ Gunner chimed in with an unnecessarily falsetto faux British accent. 

"I do not sound like that! I don't even _say_ things like that!" 

"And then there's the way you both tease each other, those _huge_ grins on your faces. Ooh! And all the touching! You're always hugging or touching shoulders or doing the bumping of the fists." 

"That doesn't mean anything! We're-" 

"Don't even _say_ 'We're together now' because you did all that stuff _before._ Galgo's not the only one who sees it." 

"It's not- we're not- it was _that_ obvious?" Lee crossed his arms, ignoring the feel of his ears burning. Of all the times for Barney to show up, _now_ would be nice. 

"Even a _blind_ person could see you two wanted to do the horizontal tango. Seriously." 

"I have to agree, people _without_ eyes could probably-" 

"Stop agreeing with everything, Galgo! I hate you guys." Lee got to his feet, if Barney wasn't going to come save him from this then he was just going to go to Barney. 

"Wait, Christmas! What about our _plans?"_

xxx 

"Ouch!" Lee snatched his hand back, rubbing at the red welt that was forming from where Barney whacked him. 

"Counter." Barney gestured with a spoon, sparing Lee a warning glance. 

Lee sighed, sulking his way over back to his place, perched on the counter. He kicked his feet out, letting them bounce back against the cupboards beneath just to get Barney to give him _the look._

He had to admit, being in the kitchen with Barney was way better than running around with the guys. If they were so concerned about the food then they could go get their own. It just meant more food for him. 

"So, are you going to tell me what was going on with the guys?" 

"No." 

Barney walked over, handing him a spoon covered in mashed potatoes. Lee grinned. "They're worried you're going to mess up the dinner. Or do some weird 'Italian shit' as Caesar put it." 

"Italian shit?" 

Lee shrugged, swirling his tongue around the spoon. "I don't know. It's Caesar. Anyway, they wanted me to taste everything, report back, check your progress." 

He saw Barney nod, opening the oven to baste the turkey before shutting it again. Then he took Lee's spoon and handed him another one, this time covered in the mysterious sauce from earlier. "And you didn't think sitting here to taste and then reporting back would be easier than trying to sneak something?" 

Lee froze. Huh, he hadn't thought of that. "Uh..." 

"That's what I thought." 

Lee rolled his eyes at Barney's chuckle, looking out the window. "What is this stuff anyway?" 

"You eat things without knowing what they are?" 

Lee shrugged again. "It came from you." He turned back to Barney in time to catch a small grin and a weird look. "What?" 

"Nothing...Anyway, it's balsamic vinegar. Traditional. Homemade." 

"Oh, and let me guess, from Italy?"

"Bingo."

****

Barney grinned, walking over to Lee and boxing him in on the counter with his arms. "My great-great-great grandmother's recipe. " 

"Sure you got enough greats in there?" Lee gave him a curious look, sucking on the spoon. 

Barney had to suppress a shudder, tilting his head down. Reasons why he usually tried to ignore Lee when the man was in the kitchen with him. "I might've missed a few. So, you done plotting with the boys?" 

Lee groaned and Barney had to wonder where that came from. "I left them swapping stories about me no doubt, I rather ignore it." 

"They turn on you, huh?" 

"Even _Galgo_ turned on me." 

"Oh, poor baby." 

"Don't mock me, you oaf." 

Barney laughed, leaning his forehead against Lee's. "I get it, just so you know," He said softly, watching the confusion roll around in Lee's eyes. 

"Way to change the subject and completely lose me, old man." 

Barney snorted, "I get why you're mopey, I mean." 

"I'm not _mopey_ ," Lee insisted, whined really and Barney ignored the way Lee headbutted him a little, as though to hammer his point home. 

"You are too. And it's okay, I get it. So, don't worry, I got something planned." Barney gave the confused pout on Lee's lips a kiss before backing away, he _did_ have a dinner to cook. 

"I am so worried right now. What are you even talking about? Should I be concerned? I feel like I should be concerned." 

Barney gave Lee another spoon, popping it into the Brit's unsuspecting mouth. "Don't worry about it, Lee." 

xxx 

Dinner was...well, an event to say the least. 

It wasn't as though this was their first Thanksgiving or anything. The team had eaten together before but usually it was an everybody brings their own food type deal where they all camped out in different areas of the hangar. 

This year Barney figured they'd go the whole way. With all the new kids running around and Caesar back to full power and Stonebanks little more than a faded memory and an occasional nightmare, he figured they all had a lot to be thankful for. 

So yeah, he did the whole schtick. Had everyone over and made the food but he wasn't anticipating the way things would be absolutely _demolished._

He hadn't planned on eating much himself anyway but even _Lee_ didn't get too much on his plate. 

Everyone else though sucked everything down like vacuum cleaners. And he was pretty sure Luna and Gunner got into some sortof eating contest about halfway through too. 

So much for leftovers. 

"Guys, clean this up okay? Lee come here." 

"Wait, why do you two get to skimp out on cleaning duty? Look at all these dishes man!" 

"Well, I cooked and Lee's with me and we're about to go-" 

"Nevermind! We got it, ugh, just keep it down yeah?" 

Barney snorted, throwing an arm around Lee's shoulders as he walked. "We'll do our best, Caesar." 

xxx 

"We're not seriously going to-" 

"No, no, I just wanted to get them to shut up." 

"Oh good. I'm not really in the mood." 

"Ouch, I'll try not to be offended. Seriously, though, moping so much you're turning down _sex?_ I'm a little concerned." 

"I told you I'm not-" 

"Relax Lee, I get it." 

"You keep saying that but I've yet to know what it is you're 'getting'." 

"Hush, wait here." Barney left him standing there on the asphalt, watching as Barney dug the keys to the garage out of his pocket. 

"Is this the 'something planned' you were talking about earlier?" 

"My, my, impatient are we?" Barney teased, unlocking the door. 

"More like concerned for my well being." Lee watched Barney stoop down, his hands clenching on his arms as Barney yanked the door open. 

"Holy..." Lee felt his jaw drop. He knew Barney was a sap. But this was like pro ball sappiness. Fabio-covered-romance novel level stuff and Lee couldn't even breathe. 

"I know Thanksgiving isn't your thing. You didn't grow up with it and we've never really done it for real until now but...well, I remembered something you said, a long time ago. I thought you might appreciate something more," Barney shrugged, taking a breath. "Intimate." 

Lee still hadn't managed to pick his jaw up as Barney guided him into the garage, yanking the thing down once they were both inside. 

"I know, it's a bit much. But I noticed you didn't get the chance to eat much with the hounds back there so..." 

"Barney?" 

"You're a fucking romantic...But thanks." Lee finally felt his airways opening up. His head clearing of the strange warm fuzziness that had settled over him. He sat down stiffly in the folding chair Barney had set up in front of a candlelight dinner, silver platter and all. "Wow." 

****

"Yeah well, we never get the chance to do much wine and dine, and I know you're used to spending the holidays more..." 

"Alone?" 

"Well," Barney shrugged, bringing up two glasses from somewhere and setting one down in front of Lee. "I think we've both spent a fair amount holidays alone. I just meant, I noticed those years you disappeared around holidays. And..." Barney stopped talking, he figured Lee probably already knew where he was going. Knew how Barney had put two and two together. 

Lee never talked much about his past but Barney could figure it out—no siblings, close with his mother, no doubt Lee spent a lot of the holidays with his mom. And no doubt they were far more special memories than anything the guys could ever conjure up on a few dinners together. It probably left a lot to be wanted. 

Lee nodded at him, swirling the wine around in his mouth. "You went for the expensive stuff." 

"Only the best." 

Lee smiled at him and Barney knew he did something right for once. The mopey Lee from earlier was officially gone and he'd make a note to do something like this again. And again, and again if meant Lee would look as surprised and amazed as he did now. It was a good look on him, pure joy. 

xxx 

Barney watched Lee snuggle closer, hands clutching at Barney's shirt. 

He was suddenly thankful he never got around to throwing out the old couch he had dragged into the garage so long ago. It was good for things like this, curling up with Lee far away from the rest of the world. 

In the quiet he had plenty of time to think about how much the others were probably destroying the house, unsupervised as they were. It was scary enough to see the older guys acting like they were four along with the new kids who basically _were_ four. No doubt Barney would be lucky if nothing caught on fire. 

Still, he appreciated the chance to lay around with Lee, exchanging lazy kisses as Lee drifted in and out of that patented turkey-coma. 

"I can feel you thinking," Lee murmured, sleep slurring his voice as he stretched a little before resettling on Barney's chest. "What are you thinking about?" 

Barney laughed, smoothing a hand over Lee's neck. "You," Barney answered honestly. Because he stopped thinking about the guys and possible consequences of leaving them alone hours ago. Lee was far more entertaining anyway. 

"You should stop, I may make your brain melt." 

"Is that your subtle way of saying you're hot?" 

"No, that's my way of saying I'm _smoking_ hot." 

Barney snorted, pressing a kiss to the top off Lee's head as he let the fingers of his other hand flutter down Lee's shoulder. "You'll get no arguments from me." 

One of Lee's hands reached up to trace the line of his jaw, falling to his neck and tracing a faded scar. 

"So," Barney said after a moment, "How long before you _are_ in the mood?" 

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda sad Tool never made his way in. My brain was just not allowing it.


End file.
